Best Never Mind The Buzzcocks Quotes
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Simon: Khrishnan, what do you think we should do about hunger?
Khrishnan: Feed people.
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Simon: Do you put condoms on a man when you have intercourse?
Mel C: Do you?
Simon: ...we just cuddle.
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Phill: I sit here, Simon, week after week, being your quiz whore...
Simon: Yes.
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Simon: I've never met anyone from the public before!
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Simon: What is your name?
Ed Seymore: Ed.
Simon: Hello, Preston.
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Simon: I don't understand. Did he suggest that you couldn't dick on the Sex Pistols? I think, I think you can dick on them.
Donny: Well, I've got a dick...I'm here...
Simon: He has got a dick and he's here...I think that's the best we can hope for tonight.
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Simon: I think it was just a lot of wiggling of vaginas...that sort of thing.
Barrowman: Hold on, hold on...does a vagina wiggle?! Not that I've never seen one but; so please inform me.
Simon: Well, I'm not an expert...
Phill: There's nothing like the T.V comedy stylings of two homosexuals discussing fannies, is there?
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Simon: You're right, we pixelated some onions...not a kitten...being chopped to death by Shakira...
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Bill: The marrowbone from goats, that's good as well, isn't it.
Simon: Have you...
Barrowman: Have I sucked marrowbone from a goat? No.
Phill: But I bet you could.
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Phill: You realize the Daily Mail's going to be in uproar about that bit of the show. "Black lady touches homosexual on television!"
Barrowman: "With white man in the middle!"
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Simon: You've out-gayed me, Barrowman!
Barrowman: Let's have a gay-off! Ready? Lips pursed, hands on the table, and go!
Simon: ...I haven't even told my mum yet.
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Simon: Kurt Cobain is now the top earning dead celebrity. So not Bruce Forsyth. If you're watching that on a repeat...and he is dead...that is inaccurate.
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Robin: I don't even think you are gay, Barrowman! I think. I've seen all this pretending that "Oh, don't worry girls, I'm just gay, now I'm going to kiss you and fondle my stuff," it's disgusting! The oldest trick in the book! What would Barrowman know? Oh, Lulu! It's Lulu then!
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Simon: We've had a gay man guessing Kylie, a black lady guessing Bob Marley. We are doing nothing to subvert expectations!
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Noel: I just said he transformed into an eagle...of course I don't know who he is
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Simon: I love Blue.
Antony: No you don't.
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Simon: I'm not happy about it, Danny. When did the music of McFly become about cupping your testicles in front of whooping homosexuals?
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Simon: I forgot to say, as it's a Christmas special, for every song you don't get right, an orphan gets beaten. Merry Christmas!
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Simon: From all of us here, whichever religion you are, remember, only one can be right, so...let's have a war! Happy Christmas!
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Simon Amstell: I forgot to tell you we've had a letter in the Daily Express! I'm very proud of this: "Why are so many BBC comedies unwatchable? Catherine Tate is full of swearing, and Never Mind The Buzzcocks contains gay filth!"
Phill: Well, done. Congratulations.
Bill: Congratulations on the gay filth!
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Simon: What are you saying Davies, the questions are too easy!?
Alan: Yes.
Simon: This show isn't so highbrow, but we like to say "Ohh, Robbie Williams is a tit!" That's what people like!
Alan: He's not a tit, he's quite nice.
Simon: Robbie Williams?
Alan: Yeah.
Simon: Oh, oh, you lose a point!
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Simon: I should explain to home viewers...this show was recorded in November and we've been assured that Nerina, by now, is famous.
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Nerina: You'd appreciate this, number two's quite cute, isn't he?
Simon: Yes, I would because I...am a homosexual.
Nerina: No but, you'd...they won't know but he's quite nice, isn't he?
Bill: What d'you mean we won't know? We don't have to, you know, go over into the paddock to ride the horses.
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Simon: Donny is unhappy...
Donny: No, that's bullshit, they didn't win. You gave them easier questions 'cause they're retards.
Simon: Punks love points...
Bill: Yeah, "Smash the system but...can he have another point?". You're about as punk as Enya!
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Simon: I never thought I'd be on T.V trying to give Madge an orgasm.
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Simon: If you'd like to write jokes for the show, all you need is a crayon.
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Simon: So yeah, so who, uh...not who...how many...no, not that either...uh...
Phill: You've fallen to bits since you lost Preston.
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Simon: I mean, I don't want to go on about it...but if people start turning their backs on comedy and walking off panel shows...then the terrorists have won.
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Simon: I do not want you to worry about this, Nicholas Hoult. This does not affect anything in your life. We are just having fun.
Nick: I just want to go home...
Simon: Don't you move!
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Simon: That was Babyshambles with "Fuck Forever". I find that suggestion obscene and impractical.
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Simon: George Bush claims that he has 'My Sharona' on his iPod, but mainly to drown out the screams of thousands of dead Iraqi children.
Phill: You're gonna need a bigger kitten.
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